Wants vs Needs and the Work-Life Balance

(Originally posted Labor Day 2013, finishing the summer after the major layoff. I took this job cut in a different direction, as I had a passion to pursue for how to provide for my family while working from home.)

This is an area I have struggled with for quite some time. I'm a type A, on the go, check list, task oriented person. For as long as I can remember, I have been constantly busy. Back in high school, I remember my mother making the comment that I never stopped. I saw time spent idly as wasted time. Even guys that I have dated have commented that I stay busy. Falling asleep is tough because there is always something else to be done. I've worked on this, but when I slow down, it's tough to not feel guilty. As a single mom, the struggle is that there are things that need to be done and there is no division of labor to divvy out the to do list. The other side of it is that I am responsible for teaching my child responsibility. I went back to work when she was only ten weeks old and until being laid off, I simply didn't take a break from working. I had a grand plan of taking the summer easy: relaxing days, etc. Summer turned out differently and seeing this coming, I tried to incorporate my planning strategies for making sure we did have quality fun time too. I made a summer fun to do list with her. Did we get everything done? No, but we did more than we would have if I hadn't made sure to allot time for this. As I've tried to figure out what's right and how to have a responsible balance, I acknowledge that there are things that I have sacrificed along the way. To be responsible means sometimes doing what needs to be done instead of what we want to do. As I am coming up on the ability to finally celebrate paying off the debt, except the house, I have to acknowledge the sacrifice and losses it took to get there. This is where some of the things on the summer fun list didn't happen. I had to reassess and make responsible decisions. I have to accept that no, I don't get to say I checked off 100% of what I hoped to do over the summer of unemployment with my daughter, the summer before she started kindergarten. I have to acknowledge just how much stress I was putting on myself. I see this play out in my daughter who is disappointed when she feels she lets herself or me down and this sets off some mixed feelings inside that I won't even begin to go off on that tangent. The end result of the whole wants versus needs and the decision to really go after a goal comes down to motivation. When we set our eyes on something big, we have to be aware of the sacrifices it's going to take to get there and we have to want it badly enough to accept those sacrifices. For me to work my way to debt free, I had to give up some social stuff, mini trips that at first I tried to justify as "basically free" to accomplish that work-life goal. Yes, this still applies to the unemployed because when you don't have a job, your job is to find one. That takes networking, time to prep for interviews, etc and that meant no mini beach get away for Pea Pie and me and no trip to DC. That reality sucks, but I had to focus on the big picture. It also has provided a fantastic opportunity to teach Pea Pie about setting and celebrating goals. When we set our own goals, we have a reason for setting those goals or as DR put it, "they're just wishes." This factor works its way into couples' goals and team goals. We have all been in a situation where our partner or boss has set a goal and we went along out of obligation. What happens if we don't internalize that goal? What happens if we don't experience a valid enough justification to sacrifice and short term throw off the balance to achieve that goal? We often don't work towards that goal. If you aren't on board, speak up. Find a reason to sacrifice short term or be realistic that you won't. Determine how you will celebrate and even out the balance once the goal is achieved. That is where I am. Now that I'm about to hit the target, our reward will be to make the trip to Nashville and celebrate on the Dave Ramsey show paying off $39,274.31 in spite of being laid off, dumped, paying for independent insurance when the ex was terminated, and the dog was diagnosed with cancer. How can I possibly celebrate that? I see the other side of things: being laid off meant severance to finish paying off the debt and being able to find a job that I am passionate about. Being dumped meant I didn't end up marrying somebody who wasn't on board financially or in so many other ways and would have undone the progress and also had a substance abuse issue. (The marriage was supposed to have happened late fall.) Paying for independent insurance meant evaluating and understanding healthcare in a different way. Belle, the dog, being diagnosed with cancer meant I need to appreciate her more than I have. To work through goals means sacrifice and reason to sacrifice. It also has taught me to force myself to look at things differently. Making the summer fun poster might have seemed forced, but it gave me a visual to remember to plan for fun too. As I work on the work-life balance, I see this as a great idea for each season to have a goal for balance. Hey, I'm still that girl who needs the checklist!