Single Parent Dating

Dating as a single parent is worlds apart from dating pre children. There are certain elements that just come into play that are so difficult to explain to others. Should you happen to be the token single parent of any of your married friends, this is a difficult concept to explain. Some of them might want to live the "exciting" single life vicariously through you. The comments encouraging you to "go for it" and later pumping you for details happen to some and it's a bit challenging. They want to relive the exciting dating years and you're right there to make them feel like they are. The difference is, you now have a different set of priorities, walls, and non-negotiables. Of course, there are also the married friends of the opposite opinion, "Oh, I would hate to be in your shoes. I can't imagine what it must be like going through the whole dating process all over again," Here I am, stuck in the middle, feeling both sides of things and also wanting to be in that place of excitement, looking forward to the happy text, call, next date, neck time you see him, etc. This sounds incredibly exciting and exhausting when I reflect on it. It's that giddy feeling when the phone pings and you think "it's him." It's the rush of when will I see him again. Is he interested too? There are also the other questions that now happen as a parent: is he worthy of my time, my child's time (far into the future), does he have his ducks in a row, why is he single, have I reflected on why I am single and what lessons I have learned? Those questions never even came to the table or children and just as I would never consider changing my status of being a parent, these questions simply have to be part of the equation. Winging it and taking things as they come are just not part of the dating equation when you realize there are certain deal breakers on the table. So how does a single parent meet a potential partner? There are so many ways and multiple dating sites to expand the horizons. Dating sites seem like a great way to filter, but there are challenges there too: it's easy for some to lie online, some people are online because that's their best option for meeting others, and some people are straight up weird. Don't get me wrong, there are viable relationships that start online, filters for screening are fantastic, and I am still to this day friends with a guy I met on match over 10 years ago. As we get into the holiday season, there are moments when you think that you just don't want that holiday season without someone under the mistletoe. You want someone there for the exciting discussions of where will Buddy, the Elf appear the next morning and how will you make sure that the magic is there for your children to experience. Even though there must be a delay in introducing a guy to Pea Pie, simply talking through this amazing experience and planning is half the fun. The fact remains though that any partner involved in your holiday season and any substantial part of your life when you're dating at this age simply has different criteria than in the carefree years. You really don't want to try to erase the memories of the holidays, but rather reflect on the positive. No matter how or where you meet a potential partner, there is one huge factor: the timing and circumstances have to be right. There will be challenges as any relationship progresses and no matter what the variables are, you have to find that partner as viable enough to want to work through those challenges. Trying to artificially formulate a relationship with any circumstances will never provide the outcome you are striving to achieve and sometimes, meeting a potential partner simply happens when you least expect, in circumstances you never expect and with challenges you never thought through. Things will happen when it's right and you just can't force it.

(Originally posted 11/12/13)