So Not PC in the Workplace

I thought when I was debating between staying in corporate America and finding an alternative solution that there weren't any good ways to provide for my family and be there for them. I wrote this is the middle of working through my Dave Ramsey debt snowball. I wish I knew that what I know now, but I am so grateful I know I can do both.

I was talking to a new mom today who had recently returned to work. We discussed maternity leave, easing back into work, and the new juggling act. I also was talking to a neighbor who just landed a job as a teaching assistant where he coaches a high school sport. He just finished his second undergrad degree and that's what qualified him for the job. Having just looked at the option of going back into teaching as an assistant while I get re-certified, I learned what an assistant job pays. These two conversations got me thinking about a very non PC issue to discuss. There seems to be an increase in the work force of men choosing jobs based more on interest than earning potential and the women (in private) will occasionally discuss their thoughts and feelings on this. When I decided to get back into the dating arena, this was one of my considerations. I dated a guy after the divorce that made significantly less than I did. Regardless of the fact that I had financial responsibilities post divorce and was a single mom, it became clear quickly that the expectation was since I made more, I would always pay. How did this make me feel? Like I was taking my kid out in the form of a date. After having been through a divorce and already been the bread winner, I realized that for me, this was an issue, but shhh, we're not supposed to discuss this. That was how I felt until someone told me to read a wonderful book about successful relationship factors written by a minister titled His Needs Her Needs. It is a common need for women to feel able to tend the home, especially once becoming moms because the husband is the bread winner and provider. This isn't to take women's lib back fifty plus years and say women shouldn't have the right to work outside the home. It's to say in many successful relationships, women feel loved because they have the ability to choose whether they work outside the home or not and just how high pressure of a job she chooses to assume. Single moms in most cases, do not have the privilege of choosing whether or not to work outside the home. Dating shouldn't mean that we expect the man that might become our future husband to pay for our child or to go find a "sugar daddy," but we have to be aware of our individual feelings about what we expect of a potential spouse and how that impacts our relationship. Moochers need not apply. The advantage single moms have when getting back into the dating world is that if we are smart, we have learned what the deal breakers have become now that we are parents. I have several female friends and acquaintances who are both moms and the bread winner in the family. Now that they have the role of mom, it's tough to go back to their spouse and say "ok honey, your turn to bring home the bacon. I have an extra job title that in most cases is a bit more demanding of my time and I'm going to need you to keep up the financial side of things so I can balance it all." For many women, once we become moms, we realize that our hearts pull at us in a different way than we ever expected. We often experience a stronger drive to want to be that domesticated woman, who takes care of her family and have the choice of whether or not we work outside the home, but that is a discussion that isn't PC to have. The truth is, many in secret have confessed that this is a building source of tension. Money is the number one reason for fights in marriage and the number one reason for divorce. This isn't a comfortable subject to discuss, which is probably why those statistics are true, but if we learn to attack the problem, instead of our partner, what could that do for our relationships? This is one more reason that keeps me motivated to stay on task and whether or not I have a significant other, I will continue on my road to financial freedom and my ideal partner will travel that path honestly with me.