The Crossroads

Back in 2013, I was laid off from my first job in pharmaceutical sales. I had thirteen years in the industry, was highly paid, and was a single mom struggling to choose the right path at the time. Ironically, I buried many of these thought processes, or thought I did until I came across some journal writing. If something is calling on your heart, there's a reason it's there and no matter how much you think you might have managed to squelch it, chances are, it's going to find a way to come back to the surface.

Once upon a time, the majority of my decisions were driven by others, the whole peer acceptance, what's easy and what's accepted by others. As many have had different obstacles to overcome, so have I. The common reaction to hearing some of those early life stories can be "it's a wonder you turned out so normal." I think this statement can apply to so many obstacles those we care about have overcome. There have been opportunities to fail and opportunities to succeed. The question is did we take the time to learn from both? How did that affect our decisions going forward?

Here I am at the wonderful point that Robert Frost's popular poem brings up. The easy go with the flow average choice is to stay in my current industry. The pay and benefits are great. I am blessed to be in the position I am. I never pictured myself in this situation. The reality is there are reasons I never pictured myself in this situation. The industry is known as one that provides "golden handcuffs." From one perspective, it's great pay, benefits, flexibility, etc make you think wow, amazing. They also make you ask yourself how can I ever be in this kind of financial position anywhere else? For a person trained as a teacher, the answer financially is clear that going back to teaching cannot possibly provide this same surface level of benefits, but what about what is below the surface? What about the morals, values, and quality time we so desperately need with our families? What level of risk is worth all that? Is it worth being a weekend mom who picks my kid up from after school care to find out what projects a paid care taker is doing with my child? My parents weren't the ones who helped me study, work on projects, or do the nightly reading assignments and that desire to do differently drives me. That drives me because I hated that absent feeling. I want my daughter to have that reinforcement and how does a single mom balance that? How do I do work that is meaningful and balance everything keeping my values at the center?

The options I am considering: stay in my industry with medicines that I believe truly are treating life changing illnesses, pursue the path of learning more and saving money and studying for my GRE to go back to school for a masters in nutrition, look into the changes in healthcare and where there are opportunities for education, or go back to the classroom and have my schedule mirror that of my child so I can be there. Lots to pray upon and if you happen to be reading this, I ask for your prayers for clarity and strength though this.