Mommy Guilt

Whether you're a SAHM or a mom who works full time outside the home, there's always an unending supply of mommy guilt. This summer, I had this wonderful idea of how it was all going to go. It was the summer before Pea Pie started big girl school and I was unemployed, but I thought I've got severance coming, so I can relax a little. How much work will finding a job really take? Get online a few times a week and enjoy the rest of the time relaxing. She'll start school and we'll both look back on this summer as one that we were able to have a blast and get really close. I have to say these rose colored glasses are similar to the ones many of us wore during pregnancy. You remember them: you were so excited for this little creature to finally enter the world. You pictured long cuddle sessions, nursing would be easy, and you would simply bask in the glory of this little person you created and birthed. If that describes what being a new mom was like for you, stop reading because we are on completely separate pages. Here I am now on a Sunday afternoon, once again employed, home from church, and I had the ex pick my daughter up early so I could get stuff done. Yet, I find myself paralyzed from the meal planning, shopping, and cooking I'm supposed to be doing. Why is this? The mommy guilt has hit. I am thrilled with the job I landed! It was my first choice doing what I want, learning about things that excite me, working with great people. I truly believe I am in a job that has value and purpose, as it is helping me to learn more skills and knowledge for my long term plan. Ramping up takes work and I knew that. It requires time after hours to read. I'm a slow reader, but I believe in truly knowing my stuff. I prepped for this. We were able to eat most meals from the freezer this week so it needs a little restocking, but my mommy guilt is over the fact reality isn't what we expect of ourselves. So many of us think that somehow we can do it all. I'll only touch on my women's lib soap box, but it simply has to be addressed. One of the repercussions of teaching little girls they can do anything they want is that somehow, it gets turned into they can do everything they want. It is physically impossible for one person (married or not) to plan, cook, and prepare healthy meals, work full time, have quality time with family, have a clean house (including laundry, dishes, etc), get enough sleep, exercise, have a personal life, and get all of the little things done. Even if you happen to be a SAHM, the reality of getting all that done while running errands, home schooling, etc is not reality. Let's also remember that correspondence with family and friends, as well as appropriately budgeting, and then a social life have to fit in. At different points in time, we have to make trade offs. Women are fantastic at thinking we can effectively multi task since our brains are "naturally" wired that way. Men know that their brains compartmentalize. Yes, that's how they can get other stuff done, even after that big fight you just had. When will we learn how to prioritize, accept and praise the good things we do, and stop beating observes up over what we can't do? How do we work through determining the top priority and reevaluating? How do you do it? Seriously, I could use a few tips here. How do we get better at showing those we love just how much we love them and showing them through our actions that it's ok to not be perfect in every way because while we should teach our little girls that they can do anything, we have to get better at teaching them that they can't do everything and neither can we.

(Originally posted 9/15/13, shortly after starting in my second pharmaceutical sales job.)